Overcoming the voices in my head......

Not like the crazy ones.... I don't think anyway.  Just the ones that are there telling you you can't do things... making excuses....holding you back, you know the ones.  They are LOUD in my head lately.  
I need to get back into a healthy mindset- eating healthy, and working out.  But I have so many "excuses".  

I'm tired. SO. FREAKING. TIRED.   We brought Eleanor home on July 10th, and I haven't slept since.  That is an exaggeration.... somewhat.  I get bout 6 hours of constantly interrupted sleep a night. I'd like to think I could make up for it during the day while she naps... that's what everyone says to do ya know.  But those people must not have a 3 year old, and doctors appointments, and grocery shopping, and laundry.... 

So anyhow, that's excuse number 1:  I'm exhausted. She's worth it though....

Number 2: My house is still torn apart, and I have no kitchen.  This makes it VERY hard to eat healthy.  I can't cook anything, so I can't meal prep.  I do ok in the mornings, I have a protein shake or a "Kind" bar, through out the day I snack- which isn't the best.... "Kind" granola, lunchmeats, cheese... it's dinner that kills me.  We eat out almost every night and it's hard to stay on track doing that.  I could make BETTER choices though.  

Unfortunately I don't care for wine- if I did this would be a dinner I could do even with a wrecked Kitchen.

Number 3:  Fear.  It's hard to get out there and push yourself physically when every breath makes you wince in fear of ending up back in the hospital.  I'm scared.  But I can't control it.  If my lung is going to collapse again, it's going to do it whether I'm sitting on the couch, or out running a 5k, and that's what I need to keep in my head.  I can't let this disease control me.  I need to decide to rise above it, and do the things I CAN do for those that can't do them anymore.  I don't want to waste away another healthy moment because of fear.  Don't worry Mom, I won't go run any marathons or do anything stupid, but I will start working back into my regular routine.  I just want to feel healthy and strong again.

So, I've thought of all kinds of things I could try.  Weight loss clinics, cleanses, direct sale gimmicks, crash diets, etc etc etc.  I know they don't last though- and thankfully I'm cheap, and I don't want to blow a few hundred bucks on temporary results.  If it wasn't for that I'd probably be "cleansing" away right now!  So instead I joined The Biggest Loser on Facebook.  I won second place once back before I had Lilah, and I actually participated in a few rounds when I lost the majority of my weight before.  It's accountability if nothing else, its affordable, and I love a chance to win some money!  The competition starts tomorrow and goes for 7 weeks.  My goal is 20 pounds.  Normally I would aim for 1-1.5 pounds a week realistically, but since this is pregnancy weight I think I can lose it a little faster.

I'll check in weekly here with my progress.  I plan to go low carb (only 1-2 servings a day of whole food carbs-no refined stuff) that's always worked for me... with my PCOS causing insuin resistance if I look at sugar too long I gain 5 pounds. As far as exercise I'm going to do the Couch to 5k training, it's something I can realistically do without having to worry about daycare.  I can load the girls up in the stroller and go outside and get it done.  I'd also like to get back to a few classes a week at the gym, but those will just be bonuses if I can get a sitter here and there.  

Now, to eat all the foods before tomorrow........  

Home sweet Hotel.

I feel like a gypsy.  We left our house last Wednesday and stayed the night up in Shingletown, Thursday we checked into the a hotel here in town, Saturday we left for Fresno, and stayed in a hotel there Saturday night.  My dad was elected Commander of the Department of California for the American Legion.  We are all very proud of him, and know he is the perfect guy for the job!  Here we are at the Department convention in Fresno on Sunday-

We checked into a different hotel back in Woodland when we returned Sunday (the original hotel didn't have a pool!), then Monday night we had to move hotel rooms because the AC went out.  We are all settled in a new room now, with a bigger fridge... and Lilah is loving the pool.

It's been an adventure to say the least-  and I'm learning just how "minimalistically" (is that a word?  I don't care...) I can live.  I keep thinking of things I want to grab from the house- and then talking myself out of it.  

Trying to tell myself "it'll just be a few more days, you don't need it." 

 and "that's just more stuff to pack up when it's time to go home." 

Realistically though if I was able to go to the house I'd probably just go get all these things I think of!  I've been given strict orders to stay out though- and Andrew "lost" ( I'm thinking it was on purpose) my house key so I can't even sneak over there!

As of today they are still doing asbestos removal- it should be done today.  Then they need to retest and get clearance, then the water damage team can finish the dry out- THEN we can talk about reconstructing.  I feel like we have awhile still before we get to go home.  We were hoping to go home this weekend, but the asbestos team has taken longer than expected, and until at least the walls are rebuilt we need to stay in the hotel.  Missing walls in 110 degree weather isn't going to work for me.  

I am however, getting nervous about returning home the longer this takes!  I figured we'd be home days ago, and I could get everything unpacked and cleaned before Eleanor makes her arrival.  Now I am beginning to think I will be bringing Eleanor home to the Holiday Inn, and she will be there to help me unpack and clean once the time finally comes.  

Ok, let's get to the real stuff.  I've eaten like crap, and missed a few workouts.  I am tired, our schedules are a wreck, I can't cook, it's freaking hot, and I'm going to have this baby any day I think. There ya go, my list of excuses!  I'm TRYING to do my best- I've gotten Nugget's salad bar instead of McDonald's, I've had apples and whole wheat tortillas with PB for dinner instead of Taco Bell.... but I've also had shakes from Sonic, and M&Ms.  It's stress eating, it's comfort food, it's convenience, and maybe 5% pregnancy cravings.   I'm really trying to get my workouts in though.  I've made it to a few classes at the gym, went for a good walk with Marie in Shingletown, I even did Zumba twice... I hate Zumba- but it's what was available when I had the free time so I did it.  This morning I went and walked around target for about 40 minutes- got in 4000 steps!  Tonight I will go to Ultimate conditioning at the gym.  I went to it last night as well.  Monday I even got ALL green!  I was pretty proud of myself!  Almost did it yesterday, but I slept in so I didn't get my hourly activity at 7:00 am.

I need to start thinking about what I want to do after the baby is born  I want to do something new and fun, some sort of program that will give me motivation and accountability.  I know what I need to do, I know how to work out, I know what foods to eat, but I work harder for other people- instructors, coaches, etc- so I want a program.  Any suggestions??

Oh- Baby update.... I am 11 days from my due date.  I've had some contractiony type feelings but I think they are more braxton hicks that real contractions.  Having some mild back pain today, but that's really about it so far.  Check up Friday morning.

34 weeks, Ponies, and Scorching Temps.

Had my 34 week checkup yesterday afternoon.  Up 1 pound since my last appointment at 31 weeks.  Not too shabby.  I’m far over where I wanted to be weight gain wise, so I was hoping to just maintain these last few weeks- not gain, but 1 pound is better than the multiple pounds I was seeing at previous appointments!  Fundal height is 37 cm, heart beat was good and strong, good to go for another 2 weeks.

Tried a new class at the gym last night.  Not sure what it was called- but it was pretty much a strength training/muscle conditioning routine.  I got there a little early and did 20 minutes – medium intensity- on the elliptical, then headed to class.  It was 3 sets of 4-5 exercises, 3 rounds each.  For example, the first set was: Deadlifts, bent over rows, plie squats with a row, squat thrusts, and jump rope- repeat 3 times.  Lots of squats and lunges, good amount of arms, and just the right amount of cardio bursts to keep the heart rate up and the sweat pouring.  Yuck.  It was so hot.  Even in the air conditioned gym.  It’s just miserable.  Triple digits all week and rising.

Speaking of triple digits and rising, the hottest day is supposed to be Saturday.  Wonderful, glorious Saturday- the day of Lilah’s 3^rd birthday party… outdoor birthday party…. Hottest part of the day- Birthday party.  Ugh.  It was originally a projected high of 108- there’s been a small drop- looking at 103 now.  But let’s be real- it’s all hell after 95.  I legit have considered cancelling the party!  But my sweet little ginger girl is so very excited to ride ponies- I will grin and bear it for her sake.  Aside from the heat I am so very grateful that I decided to go this route.  I booked this party back in March at a local horse stable- they do Pony parties- they supply the ponies; you supply the kids.  I knew I’d be too pregnant and tired by this point to host a party at home and have to deal with weeks of prep and days of clean up.  This way I just have to brings snacks, a few decorations and games and then throw it all away at the end!  And a huge thank you to Aunt Marie for doing the crafty side of it, and making the cupcakes- what would we do without you?

Tonight is Ujam!  Yay- looking forward to it since Monday was a holiday.  Is it totally obsessive that I hate that the display on my FitBit is broken because I like to check my steps and heart rate at the end of each song?  It is?  Yeah… I kind of thought so.  Shout out to FitBit customer support though- a quick live chat online and a new one is in route to me and will be here Wednesday.  In the meantime, I am flying blind- no heart rate tracker and I can only see my steps through the app for now.  How will I ever get through until Wednesday… LoL

9 more Working Days...

9 working days until Maternity leave.  Thank goodness!  I am ready.  This whole work thing really gets in the way of other stuff.  

I used to get up at 3:30 a few mornings a week so that I could go to the gym at 4:00 and get my workout done.  However, with this wonderful pregnancy insomnia, I just. can't. do. it.  I am awake a few time a night as it is, and not getting great sleep, so the 3:30 alarm just isn't happening.  

Which means I have to squeeze my gym time into the evening- also when we have baseball, scouts, meetings, puppy class, etc.  It's hard.  

Anyhow- I made it to the gym Thursday for Ujam!  Yay, and again Sunday- cardio and weights.  Bringing my grand total to 4 days last week.  I'll take it!  

I did NOT make it there yesterday however, we were out all day enjoying the day off and time got away from me. I did do a good amount of walking though. But now I realize that I wish I would have squeeze a workout in somewhere- because today isn’t going to happen either.  We have Scouts, Baseball AND puppy class all at once this evening.  So as I said, 9 more days…. 9 more days of juggling.  Then I can breathe.  Once I am on leave I can get up and go first thing in the morning and then get on with my day- and I can’t wait. In the mean time I am just going to do my best.  I will get to the gym tomorrow and hopefully Thursday and Friday, too.  Saturday is Lilah’s birthday party- so It’s bound to be a busy day- but if I plan well I can make it a priority in the morning.  If I can stick to that I will still hit my 4 days.... we will see.

Now, food.  I’ve actually done Okay!  I’ve stuck to my 80% rule rather well…(80% real food). And I only slipped once on the fast food- Had a sausage biscuit from Carl’s Jr. yesterday.  Damn it.  I can only be so strong!  I did some shopping this weekend and got some staples- so I should be ok this week as well- I hope.

The main thing though, is I’m getting back in the right frame of mind.  I’m making a conscious effort to plan my workouts into my day, and thinking twice when making food choices instead of eating whatever whenever because I think I can. 

Oh!  I also got some a peek at a fun new program courtesy of Katie, and I am excited to try it.  Have you heard of the Fit Girl 28-day jump start?  I’ve been following them for a while- and after reading the program I am thinking I will use it post-partum.  Check it out if you haven’t heard of it…. And if you have- or have tried it- please share your experience and results! 

One of my challenges...

This has been a hard battle for me!  It's so ingrained in me, and most of society, to celebrate with food!  And normally, it's bad food!  Something to celebrate usually leads to "lets go to dinner!"  "lets go for drinks!" "let's get dessert!",  Birthdays, weddings, parties in general, holidays, they all tend to have an abundance of not so healthy foods and sweets!  So retraining myself to find other ways to "celebrate" special occasions or accomplishments has not been easy!

I have found some ways to cheat the system, by making "sweets" that fit into my eating plan, but that only works at home!  Take the fourth of July for instance... For dessert we had sugar free angelfood cake, with strawberries and blueberries, sweetened with splenda, and sugar free cool whip topping.  It was delicious, and guilt free.  But it's not that easy if you go to a party at someone else's home, or venue.  Sure, you can "just say no", but then you have to deal with the repercussions.... "it's just one piece of cake!"  "It's a special occasion, it's ok!" etc.  It's hard to be strong and not give in to all that.  I've often found it's easier to just accept the contraband, and then not eat it (the old, break it up, move it around, then get rid of it trick usually works)!

Here is another favorite of mine, that helps curb the sweet tooth, and tastes delicious!

http://www.budgetsavvydiva.com/2012/05/copy-cat-recipe-wendys-frosty/.  I use nonfat milk, and sugar free pudding so that it works for me.  


I'm making it a goal for myself to make sure that I offer other types of rewards and ways to celebrate for my family..... one of my favorite replacements is shopping ;)

What this is all about..

I have been on a journey for over 2 years now... a personal journey, fighting only against myself (and my cravings, laziness, excuses, etc). That journey started out merely as wanting to lose weight.  It has evolved over the course of the years, and my goals have changed more from just "losing weight" to "being fit", strong and healthy.  Hence the name of the blog... Fat, to fit.


I am swallowing my pride, and sharing information here, that I would never have considered sharing in the past.  But I want to be real, and honest, in hopes of helping or inspiring someone else.  So I will not candy coat (maybe not the best choice of words for a fitness blog, lol!) anything, and I will blast my failures and bumps in the road, because this is real, and nothing is perfect!


I started this Journey somewhere around the end of 2009.  I was 290 lbs, yes, almost 300 lbs.  It's ok, gasp, cringe, whatever you need to do, believe me, I still do all of those things when I think about it.  I am 5'8, medium build and this is how it looked....

In 2010 we started a Weight Watchers program at work.  It was reimbursable by the company, and helped us get a discount on our health insurance... so I thought I might as well give it a whirl.  This wasn't my first rodeo... I had done weight watchers, MANY times.  I remember following it with my mom as a child, doing it on my own as a young adult, unfortunately sticking to it was the problem.  But anyway, I was determined, so I gave it another shot!  I stuck with it for 12 weeks (I think, or something close to that), I had lost weight, but not that amount of weight I figured a person of almost 300 lbs would be losing, and I quickly became discouraged. 


I decided rather than giving up, like every other time before, and just going back to my old habits, and getting fatter by the day, that instead I would find something that would work for me, and that's how my mission began.  I did research, I talked to doctors, friends, etc.  I looked into Gastric bypass, 3 day diets, medifast, HCG, you name it, and I probably considered it!  I was very close to settling on surgery, I had spoken to my doctor, gotten the information about the orientation, and was completely considering it, when I decided that I needed to give myself one more chance, one last shot to do this on my own, and prove that it could be done!  


First things first, I joined the Gym.  My doctor told me specifically "You can NOT just go and walk for 20 minutes 3 times a week like other people, and expect to lose this weight.  You need to do 40 minutes or more of cardio, 4 days a week, at least".  And I did.  I did walk, but I walked fast, and I walked long, and I did it 4 days a week. I also started following the Atkins diet plan.  I struggle with insulin resistance, so I narrowed it down to needing to control my carb intake to see the results I wanted to see.


Unfortunately since it has been so long, I can't remember when I hit some of my first milestones, Like 20 lbs lost, 50 lbs lost, etc.  I also can't remember when I decided to change up my work outs... but when I did, I added a Step class at the gym, and the time on the elliptical.  I eventually branched farther and tried the Tai Box class, zumba, and intervals as well.  Tai box is no longer, and zumba wasn't for me, and I think that's ok!  You can't like everything, and if you don't like it, you won't want to do it! But I still frequent the Step class and the intervals classes.  I also started the "couch to 5k" running program.  So currently I work out 6 days a week, sometimes 2 times a day (2-3 times a week I'd say).  I have even written up some of my own interval work outs so I can do them on my own if I can't make it to the gym!


As far as my eating plan currently, it is still very low carb, but I have incorporated complex carbs, fruits, beans, whole grains, etc.  I will make note of things I eat along the way, and recipes I think are worth sharing.


So currently I have lost 113 lbs, and still have 22 to go before I reach my personal goal. Now, keep in mind, I have veered off my path MANY times, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks!  Hopefully this blog will help keep me accountable and focused! Here is my "now", or close too, this was actually at 103 lbs lost, but close enough...

 

So I think that about covers it for the back story.... Feel free to ask questions, share tips, give advice, ask for motivation, support, whatever!  Thanks for reading :)  And if you are on this journey, too, Good Luck!