Overcoming the voices in my head......

Not like the crazy ones.... I don't think anyway.  Just the ones that are there telling you you can't do things... making excuses....holding you back, you know the ones.  They are LOUD in my head lately.  
I need to get back into a healthy mindset- eating healthy, and working out.  But I have so many "excuses".  

I'm tired. SO. FREAKING. TIRED.   We brought Eleanor home on July 10th, and I haven't slept since.  That is an exaggeration.... somewhat.  I get bout 6 hours of constantly interrupted sleep a night. I'd like to think I could make up for it during the day while she naps... that's what everyone says to do ya know.  But those people must not have a 3 year old, and doctors appointments, and grocery shopping, and laundry.... 

So anyhow, that's excuse number 1:  I'm exhausted. She's worth it though....

Number 2: My house is still torn apart, and I have no kitchen.  This makes it VERY hard to eat healthy.  I can't cook anything, so I can't meal prep.  I do ok in the mornings, I have a protein shake or a "Kind" bar, through out the day I snack- which isn't the best.... "Kind" granola, lunchmeats, cheese... it's dinner that kills me.  We eat out almost every night and it's hard to stay on track doing that.  I could make BETTER choices though.  

Unfortunately I don't care for wine- if I did this would be a dinner I could do even with a wrecked Kitchen.

Number 3:  Fear.  It's hard to get out there and push yourself physically when every breath makes you wince in fear of ending up back in the hospital.  I'm scared.  But I can't control it.  If my lung is going to collapse again, it's going to do it whether I'm sitting on the couch, or out running a 5k, and that's what I need to keep in my head.  I can't let this disease control me.  I need to decide to rise above it, and do the things I CAN do for those that can't do them anymore.  I don't want to waste away another healthy moment because of fear.  Don't worry Mom, I won't go run any marathons or do anything stupid, but I will start working back into my regular routine.  I just want to feel healthy and strong again.

So, I've thought of all kinds of things I could try.  Weight loss clinics, cleanses, direct sale gimmicks, crash diets, etc etc etc.  I know they don't last though- and thankfully I'm cheap, and I don't want to blow a few hundred bucks on temporary results.  If it wasn't for that I'd probably be "cleansing" away right now!  So instead I joined The Biggest Loser on Facebook.  I won second place once back before I had Lilah, and I actually participated in a few rounds when I lost the majority of my weight before.  It's accountability if nothing else, its affordable, and I love a chance to win some money!  The competition starts tomorrow and goes for 7 weeks.  My goal is 20 pounds.  Normally I would aim for 1-1.5 pounds a week realistically, but since this is pregnancy weight I think I can lose it a little faster.

I'll check in weekly here with my progress.  I plan to go low carb (only 1-2 servings a day of whole food carbs-no refined stuff) that's always worked for me... with my PCOS causing insuin resistance if I look at sugar too long I gain 5 pounds. As far as exercise I'm going to do the Couch to 5k training, it's something I can realistically do without having to worry about daycare.  I can load the girls up in the stroller and go outside and get it done.  I'd also like to get back to a few classes a week at the gym, but those will just be bonuses if I can get a sitter here and there.  

Now, to eat all the foods before tomorrow........  

34 weeks, Ponies, and Scorching Temps.

Had my 34 week checkup yesterday afternoon.  Up 1 pound since my last appointment at 31 weeks.  Not too shabby.  I’m far over where I wanted to be weight gain wise, so I was hoping to just maintain these last few weeks- not gain, but 1 pound is better than the multiple pounds I was seeing at previous appointments!  Fundal height is 37 cm, heart beat was good and strong, good to go for another 2 weeks.

Tried a new class at the gym last night.  Not sure what it was called- but it was pretty much a strength training/muscle conditioning routine.  I got there a little early and did 20 minutes – medium intensity- on the elliptical, then headed to class.  It was 3 sets of 4-5 exercises, 3 rounds each.  For example, the first set was: Deadlifts, bent over rows, plie squats with a row, squat thrusts, and jump rope- repeat 3 times.  Lots of squats and lunges, good amount of arms, and just the right amount of cardio bursts to keep the heart rate up and the sweat pouring.  Yuck.  It was so hot.  Even in the air conditioned gym.  It’s just miserable.  Triple digits all week and rising.

Speaking of triple digits and rising, the hottest day is supposed to be Saturday.  Wonderful, glorious Saturday- the day of Lilah’s 3^rd birthday party… outdoor birthday party…. Hottest part of the day- Birthday party.  Ugh.  It was originally a projected high of 108- there’s been a small drop- looking at 103 now.  But let’s be real- it’s all hell after 95.  I legit have considered cancelling the party!  But my sweet little ginger girl is so very excited to ride ponies- I will grin and bear it for her sake.  Aside from the heat I am so very grateful that I decided to go this route.  I booked this party back in March at a local horse stable- they do Pony parties- they supply the ponies; you supply the kids.  I knew I’d be too pregnant and tired by this point to host a party at home and have to deal with weeks of prep and days of clean up.  This way I just have to brings snacks, a few decorations and games and then throw it all away at the end!  And a huge thank you to Aunt Marie for doing the crafty side of it, and making the cupcakes- what would we do without you?

Tonight is Ujam!  Yay- looking forward to it since Monday was a holiday.  Is it totally obsessive that I hate that the display on my FitBit is broken because I like to check my steps and heart rate at the end of each song?  It is?  Yeah… I kind of thought so.  Shout out to FitBit customer support though- a quick live chat online and a new one is in route to me and will be here Wednesday.  In the meantime, I am flying blind- no heart rate tracker and I can only see my steps through the app for now.  How will I ever get through until Wednesday… LoL

9 more Working Days...

9 working days until Maternity leave.  Thank goodness!  I am ready.  This whole work thing really gets in the way of other stuff.  

I used to get up at 3:30 a few mornings a week so that I could go to the gym at 4:00 and get my workout done.  However, with this wonderful pregnancy insomnia, I just. can't. do. it.  I am awake a few time a night as it is, and not getting great sleep, so the 3:30 alarm just isn't happening.  

Which means I have to squeeze my gym time into the evening- also when we have baseball, scouts, meetings, puppy class, etc.  It's hard.  

Anyhow- I made it to the gym Thursday for Ujam!  Yay, and again Sunday- cardio and weights.  Bringing my grand total to 4 days last week.  I'll take it!  

I did NOT make it there yesterday however, we were out all day enjoying the day off and time got away from me. I did do a good amount of walking though. But now I realize that I wish I would have squeeze a workout in somewhere- because today isn’t going to happen either.  We have Scouts, Baseball AND puppy class all at once this evening.  So as I said, 9 more days…. 9 more days of juggling.  Then I can breathe.  Once I am on leave I can get up and go first thing in the morning and then get on with my day- and I can’t wait. In the mean time I am just going to do my best.  I will get to the gym tomorrow and hopefully Thursday and Friday, too.  Saturday is Lilah’s birthday party- so It’s bound to be a busy day- but if I plan well I can make it a priority in the morning.  If I can stick to that I will still hit my 4 days.... we will see.

Now, food.  I’ve actually done Okay!  I’ve stuck to my 80% rule rather well…(80% real food). And I only slipped once on the fast food- Had a sausage biscuit from Carl’s Jr. yesterday.  Damn it.  I can only be so strong!  I did some shopping this weekend and got some staples- so I should be ok this week as well- I hope.

The main thing though, is I’m getting back in the right frame of mind.  I’m making a conscious effort to plan my workouts into my day, and thinking twice when making food choices instead of eating whatever whenever because I think I can. 

Oh!  I also got some a peek at a fun new program courtesy of Katie, and I am excited to try it.  Have you heard of the Fit Girl 28-day jump start?  I’ve been following them for a while- and after reading the program I am thinking I will use it post-partum.  Check it out if you haven’t heard of it…. And if you have- or have tried it- please share your experience and results! 

Someone take the clock off fast forward!

Whew!  What a day!  I am exhausted, but if I don't power through this, all of it will stay jumbled in my head, bouncing around and driving me crazy while I try to sleep.  Yes, I am neurotic enough for that to happen.

I started the day nicely with my run, came home and made breakfast and school lunches.  Helped Kate get ready for picture day, then off to school we went, and I went to intervals class. After that I came home and got my work out written up for the senior class, and was off the the Y. On my way home from there I called the college and confirmed that my English text books were finally in.  Mind you they were supposed to be here Monday, and the instructor has given me til today to get the 3 weeks worth of work in that I haven't been able to do without my book. (back story :  I was added to the class at the beginning of week 2 off the waitlist, and the books were solo out on both campuses.  It's a special edition for this instructor, so unable to purchase it online, had to order copies, and wait).  After picking up the books, and the kids I came home to face a grueling 4 hours of English class catch up.  I still have one assignment to go, but it's due Sunday, I got everything else done, barely.  My brain is fried.  But, too bad!  More classes to write.  I am covering Senior Strength training, and Low impact aerobics tomorrow at the Y.  Strength training, no problem, banged that class out in 5 minutes.  Aerobics? Huh?  I have no rhythm... I sure as hell can't choreograph and aerobics routine overnight! At this point I am beginning to wonder what I got myself into!  A few deep breaths later I decided I will just modify the class to Low impact Cardio, sans dance moves.  So I finally got the routine all written up about 5 minutes ago, and that brings us to here.

Todays lunch:

Leftover chicken and pasta from dinner last night, cottage cheese, pinapple, and veggie chips.  And because I was feeling silly....

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This is what Andrew saw when he opened his lunch bag this afternoon :)

For dinner I sauteed a bunch of fresh veggies, added some sausage, and served it over brown rice. I was flying by the seat of my pants on this one, but I think it came out ok!  Let's call it Sausage Stir Fry:

3 large sausage links

2 broccoli heads

2 cups chopped carrots

1 cup sliced mushrooms

1/4 cup diced green onion

2 tablespoons garlic

2 tablespoons minced onion

Soy sauce to taste

Saute all veggies in large pan, add sausage

Serve over Brown Rice. 

Viola!

Ok, that's all I got.  This exhausted mom is going to bed!  Wish me luck tomorrow!

What this is all about..

I have been on a journey for over 2 years now... a personal journey, fighting only against myself (and my cravings, laziness, excuses, etc). That journey started out merely as wanting to lose weight.  It has evolved over the course of the years, and my goals have changed more from just "losing weight" to "being fit", strong and healthy.  Hence the name of the blog... Fat, to fit.


I am swallowing my pride, and sharing information here, that I would never have considered sharing in the past.  But I want to be real, and honest, in hopes of helping or inspiring someone else.  So I will not candy coat (maybe not the best choice of words for a fitness blog, lol!) anything, and I will blast my failures and bumps in the road, because this is real, and nothing is perfect!


I started this Journey somewhere around the end of 2009.  I was 290 lbs, yes, almost 300 lbs.  It's ok, gasp, cringe, whatever you need to do, believe me, I still do all of those things when I think about it.  I am 5'8, medium build and this is how it looked....

In 2010 we started a Weight Watchers program at work.  It was reimbursable by the company, and helped us get a discount on our health insurance... so I thought I might as well give it a whirl.  This wasn't my first rodeo... I had done weight watchers, MANY times.  I remember following it with my mom as a child, doing it on my own as a young adult, unfortunately sticking to it was the problem.  But anyway, I was determined, so I gave it another shot!  I stuck with it for 12 weeks (I think, or something close to that), I had lost weight, but not that amount of weight I figured a person of almost 300 lbs would be losing, and I quickly became discouraged. 


I decided rather than giving up, like every other time before, and just going back to my old habits, and getting fatter by the day, that instead I would find something that would work for me, and that's how my mission began.  I did research, I talked to doctors, friends, etc.  I looked into Gastric bypass, 3 day diets, medifast, HCG, you name it, and I probably considered it!  I was very close to settling on surgery, I had spoken to my doctor, gotten the information about the orientation, and was completely considering it, when I decided that I needed to give myself one more chance, one last shot to do this on my own, and prove that it could be done!  


First things first, I joined the Gym.  My doctor told me specifically "You can NOT just go and walk for 20 minutes 3 times a week like other people, and expect to lose this weight.  You need to do 40 minutes or more of cardio, 4 days a week, at least".  And I did.  I did walk, but I walked fast, and I walked long, and I did it 4 days a week. I also started following the Atkins diet plan.  I struggle with insulin resistance, so I narrowed it down to needing to control my carb intake to see the results I wanted to see.


Unfortunately since it has been so long, I can't remember when I hit some of my first milestones, Like 20 lbs lost, 50 lbs lost, etc.  I also can't remember when I decided to change up my work outs... but when I did, I added a Step class at the gym, and the time on the elliptical.  I eventually branched farther and tried the Tai Box class, zumba, and intervals as well.  Tai box is no longer, and zumba wasn't for me, and I think that's ok!  You can't like everything, and if you don't like it, you won't want to do it! But I still frequent the Step class and the intervals classes.  I also started the "couch to 5k" running program.  So currently I work out 6 days a week, sometimes 2 times a day (2-3 times a week I'd say).  I have even written up some of my own interval work outs so I can do them on my own if I can't make it to the gym!


As far as my eating plan currently, it is still very low carb, but I have incorporated complex carbs, fruits, beans, whole grains, etc.  I will make note of things I eat along the way, and recipes I think are worth sharing.


So currently I have lost 113 lbs, and still have 22 to go before I reach my personal goal. Now, keep in mind, I have veered off my path MANY times, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks!  Hopefully this blog will help keep me accountable and focused! Here is my "now", or close too, this was actually at 103 lbs lost, but close enough...

 

So I think that about covers it for the back story.... Feel free to ask questions, share tips, give advice, ask for motivation, support, whatever!  Thanks for reading :)  And if you are on this journey, too, Good Luck!