Why???

     While I was running this morning, I started thinking about WHY I was doing it.  Why the hell I was up 2 hours before I needed to be.  Why the heck I was out in the dark, and the cold, doing something I used to consider punishment.  I am sure some people think I am obsessed, or crazy, and that's ok, a year ago I would have thought the same thing about me.  Unfortunately for me, counting calories, and walking 3 times a week just doesn't cut it. 

     I have struggled, I have tried things and failed, I have really had to learn what works for me, for now.  Believe me, there are days, and weeks, when I want to say forget it.  It's too much work, it's hard, I'm tired, I want cake.  And sometimes I do give into those feelings, but I do my best not to. 

     I have to remember why I started.  I remind myself how I felt at 290 pounds.  Tired, uncomfortable, self conscience.  I remember barely being able to sit in a chair at a movie theater, I remember barely being able to buckle the seat belt on an airplane, I remember being worried I wouldn't be able to ride on the rides with my kids at the fair, I remember dreading having to go to a social gathering because that meant finding something to wear, and nothing ever fit.  I remind myself of all those things, and then none of what I am doing now seems so terrible.  It is MORE than worth the hard work, if it means I don't ever have to feel those things again.  
     
     I used to have every excuse in the book, "I've tried every diet, nothing works", "I don't have time to work out", "It's too hard to eat healthy and cook for a family", "I'll start Monday".  But once I was finally at that point, where enough was enough, I was able to make it work.  I was able to find time every day to work out, even while I worked full time.  I was able to find ways to cook healthy and still keep my family happy, I was able to find an eating plan that does work for me (when I stick to it!), and I was even willing to give up some sleeping in so I had time to squeeze in a good run and still be home to make breakfast, and lunches, for my family.  I guess when you want something bad enough, when it's really important to you, you find ways to make it happen, to make time for it, to make it a priority.  I only wish I had done it sooner, instead of spending so long unhappy in my own skin.

Lets see, in other news.... Today's lunch!

Cream cheese waffle sandwich, TJ Veggie Chips, cottage cheese w/mandarin oranges, and 100 calorie pack of chocolate chip cookies.

For dinner I grilled some steaks, and served them with mock garlic mashed potatoes, and green salad. 

Here is the recipe for the "potatoes":

Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes

• 1 medium head cauliflower
• 3 tablespoon cream cheese, softened
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
• 1/8 cup of cream
• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1/8 teaspoon straight chicken base or bullion (may substitute 1/2 teaspoon salt)
• 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter

Directions

Set a stockpot of water to boil over high heat.

Clean and cut cauliflower into small pieces. Cook in boiling water for about 6 minutes, or until well done. Drain well; do not let cool and pat cooked cauliflower very dry between several layers of paper towels.

In a bowl with an immersion blender, or in a food processor, puree the hot cauliflower with the cream cheese, cream, butter, Parmesan, garlic, chicken base, and pepper until almost smooth.  I toped them with a little shredded cheese and crumbled bacon.

I think they came out very well, the kids both said they tasted like real mashed potatoes, that's a win in my book!

We are taking a small road trip this weekend, and I have been brainstorming the past few days on what I can bring with me to cut down on the unhealthy eating.  Saturday we will eat  breakfast before we leave, so I think I will pack some snacks for the road, and a picnic lunch.  We are driving up highway 101 so I am sure we can find a nice spot to stop and have lunch.  Saturday night for dinner might just have to be a cheat meal, darn. ;)

Happy Almost Friday!