Overcoming the voices in my head......

Not like the crazy ones.... I don't think anyway.  Just the ones that are there telling you you can't do things... making excuses....holding you back, you know the ones.  They are LOUD in my head lately.  
I need to get back into a healthy mindset- eating healthy, and working out.  But I have so many "excuses".  

I'm tired. SO. FREAKING. TIRED.   We brought Eleanor home on July 10th, and I haven't slept since.  That is an exaggeration.... somewhat.  I get bout 6 hours of constantly interrupted sleep a night. I'd like to think I could make up for it during the day while she naps... that's what everyone says to do ya know.  But those people must not have a 3 year old, and doctors appointments, and grocery shopping, and laundry.... 

So anyhow, that's excuse number 1:  I'm exhausted. She's worth it though....

Number 2: My house is still torn apart, and I have no kitchen.  This makes it VERY hard to eat healthy.  I can't cook anything, so I can't meal prep.  I do ok in the mornings, I have a protein shake or a "Kind" bar, through out the day I snack- which isn't the best.... "Kind" granola, lunchmeats, cheese... it's dinner that kills me.  We eat out almost every night and it's hard to stay on track doing that.  I could make BETTER choices though.  

Unfortunately I don't care for wine- if I did this would be a dinner I could do even with a wrecked Kitchen.

Number 3:  Fear.  It's hard to get out there and push yourself physically when every breath makes you wince in fear of ending up back in the hospital.  I'm scared.  But I can't control it.  If my lung is going to collapse again, it's going to do it whether I'm sitting on the couch, or out running a 5k, and that's what I need to keep in my head.  I can't let this disease control me.  I need to decide to rise above it, and do the things I CAN do for those that can't do them anymore.  I don't want to waste away another healthy moment because of fear.  Don't worry Mom, I won't go run any marathons or do anything stupid, but I will start working back into my regular routine.  I just want to feel healthy and strong again.

So, I've thought of all kinds of things I could try.  Weight loss clinics, cleanses, direct sale gimmicks, crash diets, etc etc etc.  I know they don't last though- and thankfully I'm cheap, and I don't want to blow a few hundred bucks on temporary results.  If it wasn't for that I'd probably be "cleansing" away right now!  So instead I joined The Biggest Loser on Facebook.  I won second place once back before I had Lilah, and I actually participated in a few rounds when I lost the majority of my weight before.  It's accountability if nothing else, its affordable, and I love a chance to win some money!  The competition starts tomorrow and goes for 7 weeks.  My goal is 20 pounds.  Normally I would aim for 1-1.5 pounds a week realistically, but since this is pregnancy weight I think I can lose it a little faster.

I'll check in weekly here with my progress.  I plan to go low carb (only 1-2 servings a day of whole food carbs-no refined stuff) that's always worked for me... with my PCOS causing insuin resistance if I look at sugar too long I gain 5 pounds. As far as exercise I'm going to do the Couch to 5k training, it's something I can realistically do without having to worry about daycare.  I can load the girls up in the stroller and go outside and get it done.  I'd also like to get back to a few classes a week at the gym, but those will just be bonuses if I can get a sitter here and there.  

Now, to eat all the foods before tomorrow........